An Overeager Soapbox and a Few R Rated Movies

I don't watch R rated movies.


The other day I was hanging out with a bunch of friends, and a movie that was rated R came up, and I mentioned that fact. One of my friends (we'll call him Rochefort (because let's be honest, in stories like this, names like "Bob" and "Frank" get old really fast) for the sake of the story)....(Did you like my use of the double parentheses there? I sure did......) said something akin to "I don't think it's fair to not watch movies just because they're rated R. I think to not watch a movie just because some committee puts a letter on it is ridiculous."


Now, Rochefort didn't actually say exactly that, but I can't remember exactly what he said, and I've heard this opinion several times. So just in case he actually reads this at some point, this is a disclaimer, I guess. That's basically what he said.


Now, normally I would have spoken my mind to him right then and there. Something you should know about me is that I have a large, shiny soapbox secretly hidden away, ready to be pulled out at any moment so I can insert my righteousness over the entire world. I hate it, and I'm sure everyone else does, too. I didn't even realize I was whipping it out and crushing everyone's hope of ever being a good person with my hypocritical and forceful self-righteous preachings before, but once I did, I promptly started keeping my soapbox to myself as much as possible. It's still there, waiting to spring out upon my unsuspecting victims at moments when I'm not guarding myself carefully, like some awkward version of Mr. Hyde, but I do my best to keep that rogue soapbox in check.


So when Rochefort made his comment about R rated movies, my overeager soapbox came running up, excited to be put in use again, but I ordered it back and held my tongue. It retreated sadly into its small corner, to lay down on its raggedy blankets in a morose manner, trying to guilt trip me into having pity on it and pulling it out again. I, however, am a heartless wench, apparently, and mercilessly told it to go away.


I did, however, have a lot of thoughts about what I would have said, had Rochefort and I gotten into a full-scale soapbox war, and I thought, what the hey, I'll put them up here. :)


So now that we've finished that enormous prologue, let's move on to my actual thoughts on R rated movies, shall we? My dusty soapbox will positively jump with glee at the chance to be pulled out without probability of offending people.


The reason I do not watch R rated movies is because of this: I simply find the content therein repulsive and disgusting. That's it, plain and simple. I don't like violence, blood, sexual content, or profanity. And please, don't talk to me about the artistic beauty of it all, and the reasons it's needed in movies--I know. I really do, I'm an artist myself, and I see the beauty of it. But unfortunately, that doesn't make my conscience twinge any less when I see any of it. It makes me uncomfortable and I can't help but feel...well, just wrong. I know, and I know that God knows, that it's wrong. So yes, there is artistic and aesthetic beauty to it, but personally, I'd rather have a clear conscience than an artistic movie collection.


(Whew!! My soapbox is panting and grinning like one does after a good, hard swim in the ocean. It hasn't had this much excitement in awhile!)


In contest to what Rochefort said, I do not choose not to watch R rated movies because they have a big, fat R pasted on them. I choose not to watch R rated movies for the same reason I choose not to jump off of a large cliff. Because I just actually really don't want to. Surprise!! The big, fat R is just the sign next to the cliff that says, "Be careful. This is a cliff. If you want to jump off of it, that's okay with me. I'm just a li'l old sign to tell you that this is, in fact a cliff."


Let's be real, some cliffs have lots of pretty trees in front of them. And you're all, "Good gravy, those are pretty trees! Let's go exploring!" And then you're all, "Oh, darn...There's a sign that says that this is, in fact, a cliff. How could we have missed that?"


Anyway, that's my poor metaphor for the day. What it really means is, some movies look like they're going to be brilliant!! And they probably are, much like the scenery can still be stunningly gorgeous as you're falling off a cliff. Unfortunately, you're still falling off a cliff. And unfortunately, although the movie might be excellent, it is still full of things I really just don't care to watch.


So I don't choose not to watch R rated movies because they're rated R. I choose not to because I just don't want to watch what's in them. And it's not just R rated movies. It's some PG-13 and even a couple PG movies as well (usually the ones from like, the 70's when they didn't have a PG-13 rating, so it was just PG and R. And you're all, oh, this looks fun, and guess what it's rated PG!!! And then you watch it....and you're like, AAH!! There are F words in this PG movie!!! Wasn't expecting that!! So yeah...).


There's been quite a lot of controversy lately concerning The King's Speech. If you haven't heard anything about it, go look it up, because I already ramble on far too much without having to explain it, and also my soapbox is on a roll and cannot be interrupted at this point. It's having far too much fun.


So anyway. The King's Speech. I didn't see it in theaters, the rated R version, even though many of my friends  said it was one of the most brilliant things they've ever seen. And they kept going on and on about the only reason it's rated R is the one scene with all the F words, but how they were justified and said for a good reason and all that. That's all very well and good. I can appreciate that, really. I still chose not to see it. I, personally, just. Don't. Like. F words. So cool. They were said for a good reason. Great. I just don't want to hear them. I know myself well enough to know that'll be running through my head over and over again, and I just don't want it in there!! Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't care about the reason it happened. I just don't want it in my head!


I choose my movies based on content, not on rating. And I thank heaven above for the MPAA rating system. I love that we have a way to quickly see the cover a movie, where it says PG-13: Sexual Content and Some Language (or whatever it says), and decide in a manner of seconds whether it's a movie we want to spend our time on or not. As much as I appreciate IMDb or other sites where you can find out exactly what is wrong with a movie and read exactly what's happening in the parts that are questionable, that's an endeavor that takes a little bit of time, and access to the Internet. With the MPAA, you can just look at the cover and instantly decide whether you're going to waste two precious hours of your day on it.


So what it all comes down to is whether or not you trust the MPAA or not. Whether you trust their judgment of movies or not.


And I do.


It's that simple.


So, you may continue living your life according to your conscience, and I will continue living mine according to mine. Now, however, all y'alls, including dear Rochefort, know how I feel about the subject, and my soapbox has been pacified and will lay dormant for the next several days (I hope!). I'm going to change out its raggedy blankets and maybe build it a nice house to live in. One with a lock. :D


That is all.